This is why I haven't blogged in a while:

I borrowed a very good friend's pride and joy and did this to it. He's been very gracious, but I feel about three inches tall for letting him down. And there's a lot of fallout to deal with between the government, insurance company, recovery and repair people, etc. I'm still waiting anxiously to see what the final bill will be, and how much the insurance will cover.

The biggest lesson I've taken away from the experience: When an ambulance shows up and some bimbo with a clipboard tells you to sign a waiver refusing treatment: Don't do it.

She will:

A. Immediately release your name and address to the media along with her ambulance-bimbo interpretation of what might have happened, and,

B. Send you a bill for services you didn't need, want, request or use.

Comb Honey

This is honey in it's natural state, still in the comb. The last thing to touch that honey was BEES. It hasn't been pasteurized, filtered, or adulterated with corn syrup.

Before the days of food and drug laws, before mechanical extraction equipment, this is what people meant when they said "honey".

The wax is edible. Some people even say it helps with allergies, because there's a lot of pollen embedded in it. Just spread a chunk of comb on a hot buttered biscuit and eat it all. Some people chew the comb like gum, then spit it out and save enough to make candles. If you drop a chunk of comb honey in your hot tea, the melted wax will float to the surface and you can skim it off with a spoon and save it. It adds up quickly.

Cholera in Haiti

Cholera is a bacterial infection of the intestine, transmitted via contaminated water. In a nutshell, it's diarrhea so severe that death from dehydration can occur within hours. According to Wikipedia, "an untreated person may produce 10 to 20 liters of diarrhea per day." What a way to go.

My company has stopped travel to Haiti until the present epidemic subsides, but even once it does the illness will likely have become endemic. Figured it couldn't hurt to gather some knowledge before my next visit.

I was surprised to learn how widespread Cholera is in the third world, and how common it was in the US and Europe before the development of modern sanitation practices. The outcomes of battles and even wars were decided by "General Cholera".

Fortunately, treatment for Cholera or any other form of Montezuma's Revenge is simple and safe: Replace fluids and electrolytes with a mixture of water, sugar, salt and potassium in the proper ratios. Commercial "oral rehydration solutions" are available and a good idea for your home's medical kit. If you get caught unprepared, here's a homemade recipe:

1 teaspoon of salt
8 teaspoons of sugar
4 ounces of orange juice or mashed banana
1 quart of water

"Gee, thanks, mom"

This kid's mom posted a rant on her blog titled "My Son is Gay", along with this pic of her five-year-old in drag for Halloween. She turned it into a media circus, and it's gone viral. Now she's making the talk show rounds, very obviously enjoying her fifteen minutes of fame. Reactions to her have been almost overwhelmingly positive. As usual, I'm going to take the dissenting view.

"Though I cannot be said to be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied but I am a plain-speaking villain."
-William Shakespeare

This isn't about a little kid's choice of a Halloween costume. It's about his mom using him as a foil to aggressively push a personal agenda.

If the kid is gay, his own mother just outed him on the internet.

If the kid is not gay, his own mother just outed him on the internet.

He'll never have another classmate who isn't aware of this.

She should sign him up for karate lessons next, because junior high is cruel and the internet is forever.

Gear that Works: Uninsulated Metal Canteens

For warm-weather canteens, I use clear PETE soda-pop bottles. Light, tough, recyclable and free. They can be used to purify drinking water, too. Set them in the sun for a day, and UV radiation will kill biological pathogens. Simpler and better tasting than bleach, iodine or boiling.

For winter, though, I like uninsulated metal canteens that can be set near a fire to warm water or melt snow*. (*Make sure the cap is loosened so steam can escape.) I came across these Italian military surplus six-liter olive oil containers that are perfect for the job. Heavy-duty aluminum with a two-piece spout. A large opening for filling and a small one for pouring. Both caps are attached with chains so you won't lose them in the snow. (I've lost a lot of things in the snow, up to and including a tent...) There's a bale for carrying, and one side is concave so they don't bump into your legs like round buckets do. The opposite convex side has a couple welded brackets that will facilitate strapping to a pack or sled.

They came with a button-on wool cover. I'm not sure what the cover's purpose is, other than to look cool and make handling more comfortable in freezing weather. Perhaps the insulation moderates temperature swings and helps olive oil store better. Or it's intended to be wetted for an evaporative cooling effect in hot weather. Or all of the above.

It occurs to me that when set around a fire, these tall cans would not only warm water, but also reflect heat. (Again, make sure the cap's not on tight, or you're building a bomb.) I'll test that theory in a couple weeks when deer season starts.

I may get a couple more to use for their design purpose, storing olive oil. I occasionally visit a shop that has first-cold-pressed extra-virgin in bulk. The proprietor tells me it stays fresh for about six months, we go through about a liter a month, and these are six-liter cans. If that isn't a sign from the gods, I don't know what is.

On the internet, these are available for $32 at Sportsman's Guide, and $79 at Deutsche Optik. Guess it pays to shop around.

It's National Kick-Out-Your-Girlfriend-Day in France

I'm writing this from a sidewalk cafe near the Eiffel Tower. How cool is that?

There seems to be an epidemic of girls pulling their suitcases behind them all over the city. Many of them have excellent legs and long hair, and of course they all have that alluring accent, so I don't understand why they're being kicked out. Maybe it's not even really National Kick Out your Girlfriend Day, I may have leaped to that conclusion too quickly. That's what I do for exercise, leap to conclusions. Also push my luck.

Things I like about the French in addition to their adorable girlfriends:

1. They aren't afraid of responsible alcohol use. Okay, I'm not being particularly responsible right now, but even so, I'm not worried about being hassled. People are free to enjoy, say, a picnic in any public park with a bottle of wine. There is no need to sneak around to circumvent nanny-state laws. Yet I don't see any more drunks here than anywhere else. The people have learned to be responsible because they aren't treated like children.

2. They aren't afraid of dog germs, either. There are dogs on the subway and in the restaurants. Their dogs behave well enough to go everywhere because they're properly socialized, and they're properly socialized because they go everywhere. See how that works?

3. The French aren't legalistic. I rented a bicycle earlier, and there was no waiver to sign, no helmet to wear. People can sit on, say, the high stone walls along the Left Bank of the Seine if they feel like it, and no safety-Nazi will tell them to get off. And if they slip and fall, they won't hire an ambulance-chaser to help them sue somebody else.

4. They take food seriously. The bread, wine, butter and chocolate are as good as they get, and bargains to boot.

5. They walk or ride bicycles when it's appropriate. I have American neighbors who no kidding drive their cars to their mailboxes. And if you see an American adult riding a bicycle, and he's not dressed like Lance Armstrong winning the Tour de France, your first thought is that he lost his drivers license.

I overheard a couple other Americans here refer to the French as "surrender monkeys". Ironic, since America is in the process of surrendering in Iraq and Afghanistan right now. Declaring victory and retreating, more accurately, but same end-game. Just as we did in Korea, Vietnam, Somalia and Lebanon. I submit that we should not point fingers at the French.

Crazy JD the Barber

For a decade I've been going to JD's barber shop. I call him Crazy JD because he's always got some bizarre conspiracy theory or something equally entertaining. He thinks Allah is really Satan. I enjoy telling him that the Muslim and Christian gods are the same, that only the prophets are different. He comes unglued.

I went in yesterday for a haircut on my way to work. He started by spraying something on my head. I asked what it was, because he'd never done that before. He said it made cutting it easier. Whatever he was doing after that didn't feel right, either, but I was too stupid to ask more questions. When he turned me around to look in the mirror, the &@()?! Had given me a "flat top", a bizarre 1950's style.

Me: "Jesus Tapdancing Christ, JD, I look like the eraser end of a pencil."

Crazy JD: "Don't use the Lord's name in vain. You always get a flat top."

Me: "I've never had one. I'd rather be dead with my old haircut than alive with this one."

Crazy JD: "I must be thinking of someone else."

Me: "Jesus Christ and General Jackson, I can't go to work like this."

Crazy JD: "Doesn't your uniform have a hat? Stop using the Lord's name in vain."

Me: "You have to do something. "

Crazy JD: "There's not enough left. Maybe let it grow for a week and I can fix it a little."

He ended up buzzing my whole head except for a little tuft on the top front. It looks like the back of a merganser's head. No, I will not post pictures.