Monday, August 9, 2010

Politically Correct Insanity

Just returned from a week of Cub Scout camp with my stepson. Never again.

The camp director looked like Jabba the Hutt with huge bugger-grip sideburns. I figure he likes the job because the only respect he'll ever get is from little kids who don't know better.

Most of the counselors were pimply-faced nerds on power trips. About half of them still hadn't come to terms with being gay. Their primary job was shouting "NO RUNNING!" all day, every day. That's right, running was not allowed. I'd like to meet whoever it was that decided it was both advisable and possible to keep hundreds of adolescent boys from running for a week.

Adult leaders had to sign a paper acknowledging affiliation with some religion. Any religion. The Cub Scouts are non-denominational now, which is a step in the right direction, but leaders are still required to believe in some deity. Think about that for a minute. They don't care which invisible friend you have, but you're required to have one. I wrote down "Dogist", hoping someone would ask me what it was so I could say "If I can't eat it or hump it, I piss on it".

The boys were constantly preached to about being green and respecting the earth. Yet every meal was served on styrofoam plates with plastic utensils and glasses.

We weren't allowed to strike matches. We could get the campfires ready, but only the pimply-faced gay Hitler Youths had the authority to light them.

No touching was allowed unless you were administering first aid. Some bimbo screamed at me for picking up a little hoodlum who was kicking another. She told me to apologize to him. When I declined she began shrieking "I AM ALPHA! I AM ALPHA! YOU WILL APOLOGIZE! DO NOT CONDESCEND TO ME OR YOU WILL BE TALKING TO THE CAMP DIRECTOR IN HIS TENT!" I am not making this up. I just walked away. She later got into a no-kidding catfight with another den mother. The boys were upset and crying afterwards. I explained to them that chicks are crazy and they might as well learn it now.

I confidently predict that most of the twenty boys in our pack will eventually be staunch Democrats because there's no logic in them and they feel entitled to handouts. We certainly didn't do anything to encourage self-reliance. Five will someday weigh over 300 pounds. One will never make it past working at McDonald's. Three will end up in prison. Actual conversation with one of them:


Me: "This isn't a restaurant. Eat what's on your plate, or don't eat it."

Spoiled Little Bastard: "I WANT TO GO HOME!"

Me: "I want you to go home, too."


m11pilgrim said...

Gee, thats not quite what BP had in mind!! Certainly not what I remember from my scouting days...

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

Great post - I'd not heard the description 'buggers grips' in years - thanks for the reminder I'll be using it frequently.

In terms of the Scouts 'things are dumb all over'


Tim Smith said...

Sounds like it's time for a new organization focused on teaching kids the outdoor life.

Tim Smith said...

Still thinking about it. I'd love to see a video of that woman yelling "I Am Alpha!" at you.

planB said...

I had a similar, but not quite as pleasant, experience with scouting. The strength of the boy scouts is they take all comers. The weakness is they take all comers. Absent, negligent, uninvolved parents regard the scouts as a dumping ground for their kids. Dump the kids on the scouts and take off for a weekend at the casino. Guess what the kids are like?

Having learned my lesson I took my son and with a few of his friends formed an ‘outdoor group’. Trips to the Boundary Waters, fishing (catch it, clean it, cook it, eat it), archery, rifle & shotgun shooting, and now that they are older hunting are all in the mix. The first campfire they made consumed half a large box of wooden matches. Now they don’t need matches. The only problems I encountered were dads wanting to come along. There was usually one dad per kid.

I am now going through the same process with my youngest, my daughter. It’s the same content with no adjustment for gender. It’s a blast. Girls are even more fun than boys. The dads are still literally begging to come along. Anything the scouts can do for your child you can do better.

Anonymous said...

Dogist..Well that reminds me of the Dyslexic Agnostic Insomniac who stayed up all night wondering if there was a Dog.

Matt said...

Great post. I am happy to say that the Mormon run pack and troop I hang with are unlikely to produce very many Democrats, inmates or what have you. The kids are not all perfect, but I think the kids my son hangs out with are a good influence.